Song of the post: Thanks to by Day6 (Even of Day)
Every year, I prepare mentally in advance as to what to write in this mandatory, yearly post. And every year, I never write what I think, or want to. So I don’t know how this post will go. If you stick around for long enough, maybe you’ll find out where it’ll go.
I can’t remember when I began writing but it was at a young age. When I hit college, I fell in love with writing. The words, the ability of them to make me feel so many emotions in a single sentence, the power the writer holds when they write these words, all of it and more. And that’s when I got serious about me being a “writer” in whatever sense because back then, all I wanted to do was write. I didn’t have a specific focus on what I wanted to write. I just loved stories but I wasn’t very good at them. I learnt a lot in college and even though that helped me immensely in the non-fiction aspect of writing, AKA by blogs and my thoughts in general, I guess I’ve always leaned towards writing single bite stories that makes you feel all kinds of things and leaves you satisfied. And I have been trying, for the longest time but something always fell flat. So I hadn’t, in some time.
Until recently, I picked it back up. It began with me reading a BTS fanfiction (I’ve been reading a LOT of them and let me tell you, when I say they inspired me, they INSPIRED me.) and having a slight daydream about someone going on dates to find out the one they were looking for had been here the whole time (Did you sing it in Taylor Swift’s You Belong with me? Don’t lie). Then, the ideas rained on me like Bengaluru’s rains. There were times I woke up from sleep to jot down ideas for my existing, ongoing projects from forever. I also have a bunch of very supporting friends who have always read my stuff and gushed their appreciation to me. It has kept me going.
I know a lot of talented artists (painters, sketchers, writers, artists of all kinds) are very wary of showing their art to the world. A lot of people I know write very well but their words are for them. On the contrary, I’ve been very wary of putting my fiction out to the world. Writing out my heart and soul has never been a problem. It’s a bit strange, even for me. But I think I have finally gained enough confidence to put my fictional words out of my head and into the black void of internet.
On my other blog which was originally meant for all of my fiction work, I have begun posting again. Every fortnight, I have been posting a completed short fiction that I’ve recently written. And even though the reception is just regular, I feel lighter. It feels nice to put myself out there and not worry about being scrutinized or criticized. I do that enough myself anyway. And I can’t believe it took me around 6 years to figure this shit out.
So, that’s what I’ve been doing. And it feels exhilarating when I finish the first draft, when I finish the rewrite, when I hit publish. I’ve been going at it for a couple of months now and I’ve had a lot of ideas and yesterday, as I was jotting down an idea, out of nowhere I thought, “What if the ideas stop?”
Then I calmed myself down. It might happen, not going to lie. What if this is the break I get and exhaust all of my abilities? But that’s not how it works, does it? The more you use, the better it gets. I took a deep breath and continued.
I think that’s sort of how I feel with this blog sometimes, too. I don’t think the human kind can ever run out of words to things to say but as individuals, churning out words and ideas can and will burn you out. So, it’s okay. If you feel drained, take a step back. If you feel tired, take a step back. If you feel uninspired or unmotivated or overwhelmed or simply not enough, take a step back. Breathe. Things will be okay.
And thank you for all those who have stuck around for 6 years with me. I always say this every year, I didn’t expect to reach this number. Will I reach 7 next year? I don’t know for sure but I know that I do want to. So, cheers to hope in this dreary and despicable year.