6 Years.

Song of the post: Thanks to by Day6 (Even of Day)

Every year, I prepare mentally in advance as to what to write in this mandatory, yearly post. And every year, I never write what I think, or want to. So I don’t know how this post will go. If you stick around for long enough, maybe you’ll find out where it’ll go.

I can’t remember when I began writing but it was at a young age. When I hit college, I fell in love with writing. The words, the ability of them to make me feel so many emotions in a single sentence, the power the writer holds when they write these words, all of it and more. And that’s when I got serious about me being a “writer” in whatever sense because back then, all I wanted to do was write. I didn’t have a specific focus on what I wanted to write. I just loved stories but I wasn’t very good at them. I learnt a lot in college and even though that helped me immensely in the non-fiction aspect of writing, AKA by blogs and my thoughts in general, I guess I’ve always leaned towards writing single bite stories that makes you feel all kinds of things and leaves you satisfied. And I have been trying, for the longest time but something always fell flat. So I hadn’t, in some time.

Until recently, I picked it back up. It began with me reading a BTS fanfiction (I’ve been reading a LOT of them and let me tell you, when I say they inspired me, they INSPIRED me.) and having a slight daydream about someone going on dates to find out the one they were looking for had been here the whole time (Did you sing it in Taylor Swift’s You Belong with me? Don’t lie). Then, the ideas rained on me like Bengaluru’s rains. There were times I woke up from sleep to jot down ideas for my existing, ongoing projects from forever. I also have a bunch of very supporting friends who have always read my stuff and gushed their appreciation to me. It has kept me going.

I know a lot of talented artists (painters, sketchers, writers, artists of all kinds) are very wary of showing their art to the world. A lot of people I know write very well but their words are for them. On the contrary, I’ve been very wary of putting my fiction out to the world. Writing out my heart and soul has never been a problem. It’s a bit strange, even for me. But I think I have finally gained enough confidence to put my fictional words out of my head and into the black void of internet.

On my other blog which was originally meant for all of my fiction work, I have begun posting again. Every fortnight, I have been posting a completed short fiction that I’ve recently written. And even though the reception is just regular, I feel lighter. It feels nice to put myself out there and not worry about being scrutinized or criticized. I do that enough myself anyway. And I can’t believe it took me around 6 years to figure this shit out.

So, that’s what I’ve been doing. And it feels exhilarating when I finish the first draft, when I finish the rewrite, when I hit publish. I’ve been going at it for a couple of months now and I’ve had a lot of ideas and yesterday, as I was jotting down an idea, out of nowhere I thought, “What if the ideas stop?”

Then I calmed myself down. It might happen, not going to lie. What if this is the break I get and exhaust all of my abilities? But that’s not how it works, does it? The more you use, the better it gets. I took a deep breath and continued.

I think that’s sort of how I feel with this blog sometimes, too. I don’t think the human kind can ever run out of words to things to say but as individuals, churning out words and ideas can and will burn you out. So, it’s okay. If you feel drained, take a step back. If you feel tired, take a step back. If you feel uninspired or unmotivated or overwhelmed or simply not enough, take a step back. Breathe. Things will be okay.

And thank you for all those who have stuck around for 6 years with me. I always say this every year, I didn’t expect to reach this number. Will I reach 7 next year? I don’t know for sure but I know that I do want to. So, cheers to hope in this dreary and despicable year.

Relaxing? What’s that?

Song of the post: For Me by Day6

It has come to my attention that I, in fact, do not know how to relax and have forgotten how to have fun.

Yesterday, I was pretty productive. It’s one of those rare days where you feel good and inspired to do everything that you weren’t able to do for the past few days. I worked on this fiction piece, I painted, I embroidered, scheduled a post for today, exercised, watched an episode of a show with Akka, spoke to my friend and looked for jobs. It was a rather busy day. And these are all the things that I genuinely enjoy doing (except for the job hunting, that always drains you out). But at the end of it, I was drained and tired. Had I done too much? But it also didn’t feel like a total burn out. More like “take a break, you dumb dodo”.

I have taken up this challenge called the #100heads4weeks where I draw/sketch/paint 100 heads in a span of 4 weeks. I’m doing it with a bunch of people on Instagram and even though I knew it was going to be tough and challenging, I just found it so intimidating that I didn’t even try and put pencil to paper. It was only yesterday, and because of all the encouragement from the people I’m doing it with that I could finish 2 whole heads. I’m rather proud of them!

For a while now, I have been eyeing my favourite pair of jeans to spruce it up a little and decided to embroider a pastel, earthy rainbow! So I went with Akka and bought some threads and began making them. While the whole process of it is monotonous and meant to be relaxing, it has somehow left me drained. I could only finish one colour and my back and shoulder ached by the end of it.

I have a lot of art journal spreads planned and several more in dire need of finishing. But the thought of it makes me want to sit and stare into a wall for eternity. I don’t like this feeling. This feeling of finishing a spread and instead of happy during and after, I end up, “what next?”

So, I had decided that I will take a relaxing day off today. Nothing stressful. I’m not going to do anything that I feel like I “have” to. Only wants today. Then I made a list of all the things that helps me feel nice and relaxing. It looks like this:

  • Read/Re-read: Nothing is more relaxing than re-reading your old favourites and feeling all the feels and wanting to throw your book against the wall. So relaxing.
  • Paint tiny canvases: I will make another clouds painting, but this time of the night sky. I have cute AF canvas that I’m looking forward to paint!
  • Write a blog post: Duh. Always helps.
  • Plan a painting?: No, not today.
  • Finish spreads!: Maybe.
  • Plan a spread: Maybe my September bujo? I really do like the theme I have in mind so I might just make that.
  • Aimlessly doodle: Somehow, I’ve never been a doodler. I always have something in mind that I want to do and it’s never because I like to see the ink flowing on paper. It’s something that I’d like to develop. Will it be relaxing? I don’t know. It’s worth a shot though.

Watching Kiki’s Delivery Service and painting has helped me chill and relax before. Perhaps I should try that. I just want to stay off from my phone a bit.

What does a relaxing day off look like to you? Do let me know so that I can add it to the list of my things!

What a Monday

Song of the post: Moonchild by RM (Because what other way to celebrate the nearly 97 #1’s of this amazing, amazing album, right?)

Days have blurred away for me, not knowing what day is when until the weekend is here or Monday, and it’s only because of Akka (because she works from home) and this ongoing k-drama, It’s Okay to Not Be Okay (please watch it, it’s really good so far).

Today morning was just like any other day, but I had to visit the doctor and grab some essentials so I was excited for going out. I have barely left the house since the pandemic so every little outing cheers me up. It’s a chance I get to see my city in whatever state it is in. But that was not the only thing that made my day already in the morning.

Jae (eaJ) from Day6 released his newest song, Pacman, early in the morning. It is one of his finest works yet and it is as beautiful as it is heartbreaking. After that, I chatted with Sharanya for a while and she gave me ideas for a painting today (which I will get on to once I finish this). Then, as I scrolled through my daily emails with emotions of a piece of bread, I saw an email from a long-distance pen-pal. I haven’t gone through it yet but it had been so long that I had missed her emails and telling her so many things about my life and learning so much about another person living thousands of kilometers away. I ran a mental list of all the things that was new since I had emailed her and there was so much, given the pandemic and all. That was another thing.

Even the visit to the doctor couldn’t dampen my mood today. I was told to be more physically active but I enjoyed talking to the doctor herself. Then we got the things we needed for home and went looking for poster paints.

July is World Watercolor Month and I have decided to paint a painting every single day. I generally put it up on my Instagram and I haven’t missed a day. I will not say ‘yet’ because I don’t plan on missing it at all. It also includes water mediums like gouache. But since I cannot afford to buy gouache paints right now, I decided to use poster paints as a replacement. It has worked wonderfully so far but I had some peculiar colors and barely any white. I had gone looking for it around my house for the past two weeks, with no results. But today, I discovered this one store which was literally called Paradise. I was in heaven. I didn’t want to browse too much right then but I found what I needed and SO. MUCH. MORE. It was like that shop near college in Bombay, but a lot better. I got what I needed and dashed out but the person who was helping me answered a lot of my questions and in the end he went, “We can get you everything.” There was so much conviction and belief that I really do believe him.

And then we went home.

I realized I needed to write this down because I will treasure this day for a long time. During the bad days, the spiraling becomes uncontrollable and there’s a certain state that you refuse to leave because you simply can’t. It’s those days that have become more frequent and I want to remember this day during those times. Nothing deterred me today, nothing put me off, nothing disappointed me. I want to hold this day as a sort of example, sort of hope, that there will be nicer days, that this feeling won’t last because even the happier ones didn’t. And it’s okay for the bad days to happen because otherwise, how would we appreciate such a simple, mundane, chore-filled day?

(Getting back into) Reading

Song of the post: Moon, 12:04 AM by offonoff

I need to write this before I get sucked into the 3rd book of the trilogy.

The past two years were the worst reading years ever. It wasn’t just that I couldn’t pick up a book. I did; I read in between classes, I read in boring classes, I made it a point to read something but it didn’t stick for too long. I went months without reading and I didn’t feel a thing. It’s not just the reading I missed. I missed feeling the words. I missed the excitement I felt when I picked up a new book. I missed the book community. I missed adding on to my TBR pile. I missed crying and laughing and gasping as the story went on. I missed looking up from a book and getting pulled back into reality and groaning. I missed living in written words and fantasy worlds.

I thought, maybe I’ll let this slump wash over me. Sometimes the best thing to do in slumps is to let it get to you. I have learned that the hard way. The more you push, the stronger it gets until you have to give in with a much heavier heart. Instead of that, why not give in and take a break in the beginning where you don’t have to feel guilty for it? So I let it, even though I tried to read because without no word input, there would be no word output and that scared me the most. A huge part of me was not worried much, though. I knew I would get back into it eventually but it was a matter of when. I was tired of waiting for the day when I picked up a book and did not want to put it back down.

For my birthday in March, Akka got me books, like she usually does. I had specifically asked for fantasy books because it had been a good, long while since I read a good one (or anything, for that matter) so she had gotten me a couple of Brandon Sanderson books and A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab. I was pretty excited about this one because back when it was released, it was really popular and I’d heard nothing but good things about it. After I had submitted my dissertation, I decided to pick it up one fine day, thinking, maybe I’m ready.

I was not, clearly. A couple of pages in, I paused and picked it at the oddest times. This was somewhere in the middle of April and I remember speaking to Indu about it when we realized we were both reading the same book and we were both struggling to get back into it. At that point I had reached the part where it was just getting interesting so I decided to keep reading. It took me till the end of May to actually become completely involved and overtaken by it. And I have loved every minute of it.

I have always loved V.E. Schwab’s writing, although I’m not very fond of her book This Savage Song. There was something very unsettling about it. But A Darker Shade of Magic was different. It took some time for me to understand the world, for the book itself to build the world and get the plot going. But once it began, I decided it was going to be worth it and I was right.

I was almost towards the end of the book when I decided I needed the other two parts but I didn’t want to order from Amazon during these trying times. That day at noon, I called one of the bookshops that I had heard was doing home deliveries and I had the books in my hand within the next hour. When I went to fetch my book from the delivery person, I was jumping. The road outside my house had been (still is) dug up so there were piles of mud and parts of road all around but I went dodging it and jumping over barricades and some of my neighbours told me to be careful and I could only smile at them in my excitement. When I had the books finally, I hugged them close and felt a sort of peace. I think the peace came from finally feeling excitement at the thought of reading. And I have been relishing it every minute. All of my other art projects are on pause for the moment and I can’t remember the last time I dropped everything just so I could read.

I don’t know how long this will last. I’m not going to bank on the fact that it’ll be with me forever and such. But I will take what I can get, even if it is only for this trilogy.

Reply 1988

Song of the post: A little girl by Oh Hyuk (from the drama OST)

I recently finished this drama after so long and it was every bit as amazing as I was told and more. I cannot gush enough about how much I love this drama. It is easily one of my favourite dramas ever made. It beats a lot of the others that I’ve watched by a large mile. I’m going to tell you why.

Our main character is Sung Doek-Sun and while she is narrating this story, it isn’t entirely hers. There are 4 families, 16 characters and 16 different stories, not including the family ones, inter-family stories, stories involving friends and other people out of the main 16. In just 20 episodes, you will have gone on an epic journey of life, experiencing all the ups and downs of the characters. It will remind you of yourself, of your life, of your family and friends and maybe, you’ll just end up appreciating them more.

I have cried, I have laughed, I have cried laughing and I have laughed crying. I have sobbed a lot of times (yes, shocking to me too) and immediately after, my heart would have warmed so much that I would start crying again. Sure, it’s set in 1988, but Doek-Sun is 19 and so are her friends and I was 19 once, too. Problems are relatable and you feel it in your bones. So many times, I wanted to reach out past the screen and help the characters out just so I could see them smile. The characters are so real and they can make you feel like you’ve been their friends for the longest time. Saying good-bye to them was as hard as saying good-bye to my friends. It was inevitable but that didn’t mean you won’t feel sad.

There was a lot of food involved in this drama. So much home-made food. In every episode, there is a minimum of 2 scenes where food is involved. I’ve never eaten any of those food but it made me hungry and I craved for it all the time. The video games that they played made me feel very nostalgic as they were the ones I used to play as a child. Their family struggles made my heart very heavy at times. When they grow up, they become the kind of adults that you would expect them to be and you feel so proud, as if your own child has grown into this wonderful human being. In a way, we did see them grow up and push past all the unpleasant things life has thrown at them. The way they all stand-up for each other, the way they are all each other’s shoulders to cry on, the way they all celebrate every small happiness together, makes you feel right at home.

Some of the character developments are amazing. Doek-Sun’s elder sister Bo-Ra has to be my favourite of the lot. In the beginning we see a very rude, brash, selfish girl but with time, we actually understand her. I don’t really know how to empathize with her but I understand. I understand her and her character and by the end of it, I really appreciated her for such brilliant development. Another character I loved was Ms. Cheetah. Although her character development isn’t as phenomenal, I simply love her and her take-no-shit attitude. I want to be that kind of a woman when I grow up.

I don’t know how much of what I said makes sense but I really, really, really loved this drama and I cannot recommend it enough.

3 Favourite Albums plus 2

Song of the post: Everything by iKON

Recently, I had done a collaboration art with Arohi, in which we both picked our top three favourite albums and recreated their covers. It was one of the most stressful but most fun I’ve had in a collaboration (and we’ve done it multiple times) from the start to finish. I was able to only express my love for these albums, but not why. I thought about it a lot and decided putting this on a blog post would make most sense because clearly, I’m not limited by words here. So here we are.

This will be in no particular order and I might even end up telling about my other favourites. All of these albums have unskippable songs and they range from a variety of genres and they make me feel a lot of things.

Love Yourself : Tear by BTS- This album will take you on a roller-coaster ride. It has songs like Fake Love and Anpanman and 134340 and So What. This range is simply amazing and even though the other Love Yourself albums has some of my favourite songs ever (like Trivia: Love, and Trivia: Seesaw and Serendipity) this album can be completely overwhelming and intense and calming. I love it, even though I don’t listen to it as often as I do the others. It also has some of the most underrated songs in their discography and we are constantly riled up with the unfairness of it all. But that’s okay. Those songs comprise this album and I guess, that’s all we need.

The Book of Us: Gravity by Day6- What list could be complete without me mentioning Day6? Gravity has pulled me through some difficult times. It has helped me power through things that I could not muster enough strength to do. The songs have made me feel my emotions at the worst of times and the best of times. Every song is special to me and while listening to it on loop, after a couple of listens, the songs sort of blend into the back of my head. Like, somehow, my thoughts are going to be processed in the presence of these songs only. Sometimes, without them, I feel lost and distracted and I would know why. It has great range too, from the upbeat Time of Our Life to the ballad Cover to the wistful Wanna Go Back to the evergreen Best Part. For Me and How to Love deserve a special mention too, because they are simply amazing. Each song holds a special place in my heart and this album as a whole holds a bigger special place.

Verse 2 by JJ Project- JJ Project is a subunit of GOT7 and I’ve only recently discovered them. This is only their second album (the first one being pre-GOT7) with no promise of returning. This thought breaks my heart because this album is just so precious to me. This entire album feel like cuddling in a warm blanket on a rainy day with a warm beverage and a favourite movie playing. That’s it. All is right in the world in that moment and it’s enough for now. The warmth and comfort it radiates from each of the songs is enormous and I wonder, where have JB and Jinyoung held it all in? And do they have more? Because the world needs their voices and music now more than anything and I am ready to fight anyone who gets in the way of this group making a comeback soon. My favourite song off of this album is Icarus but who are we kidding? All of them are meaningful and warm and feels like a hug. After listening to this album, it feels like everything will be all right eventually. And that’s enough for now. (Title track: Tomorrow, Today)

Sleepless in __________ by Epik High- If Verse 2 was warm blankets on a rainy day, Sleepless in __________ is a sad and calm and cool breeze in the dark of the night when everybody else is asleep. It keeps you company on lonely nights, on nights when you have shut everybody else because there’s too much going on in your head, on nights when you think the world hates you and your cat tolerates you, on nights when even your sanctuary doesn’t feel like one. When sleep doesn’t come, this album comforts you with the knowledge that you are not alone and that reaching out is okay, and that reaching out can be simply feeling this album in its entirety. (Title track: Lovedrunk)

A little spread that I made for this album!

And then there’s one that makes you miss feelings you’ve never had or makes you feel unnamed feelings.

Mono by RM- Mono is another comfort album, albeit on the much sadder side. This album is like a big and long hug from an old friend you’d missed that leaves you in tears. It’s a pat on the head saying, I’ll protect you for a bit while you gather yourself. It’s someone pushing all the bad things away from you. It’s a shield for when your worst thoughts rain in your head and a soft, warm towel to soak it all up once it stops. It’s a long, pleasant walk along your favourite, tree-lined road, with the weather that’s just perfect. It makes you ache for Joon and wonder if you can be all these things for him when he was for you. You wonder and ache if you can wipe away his tears like his music did for you. And maybe, in some minute way, you probably did by just loving this deeply personal mixtape of his. And for now, I guess that’s enough. (Title track: Forever Rain)

I haven’t made art related to Mono yet because I feel like anything I do can’t compare to how much I love this mixtape but I do have plans.

What are your top 3 favourite albums ever? Have you listened to any of these albums? Do let me know if you have, and if you like any!

Weekend Coffee Share #24

Song of the post: 00:00 by BTS

I have hated today since the moment I woke up. It’s been this way for the past couple of days and I know these days are not easy but it doesn’t make it any bearable. I think today was the worst of the lot. I don’t think anything can top this but hey, as wary as I am of surprises, it’s always welcome.

Yesterday and the day before, I was feeling horrible, if only slightly. I didn’t feel like doing anything but I had to push myself to do something because I didn’t want to sit still either. That made me more jittery and uneasy. So I kept myself busy and pushed myself through the day to get to 8:30 PM so that I can be on time for the teaser images of Day6’s new album, The Book of Us: The Demon. That’s pretty much the only thing I’m looking forward to now.

Today, however, was worse. I didn’t how it could get worse, but it did. I just didn’t feel anything today. I just wanted to sleep the day away but that’s not an option at home. Today, I have sat still and unmoving, my head blank, staring off into the TV screen or simply scrolling through my Twitter or playing a mindless game that I stopped aiming to clear levels for. I wanted to paint today but I physically couldn’t bring myself to. I made snacks in the evening with Akka (as is our usual routine) and played our local version of Ludo and after losing by huge margin, I’m sitting here, no music bursting in my ear, the news blaring and my eyes little dry, my heart beating a bit faster, a little anxious but I don’t know why. I don’t have enough energy to hate what’s happening to me. I guess I should just sleep early.

A couple of days ago, the sky was really pretty so we’d gone to the terrace and I took pictures like a mad woman. My bullet journal was ready so I took pictures of that too. Here are some pretty sky pictures to brighten up this rather miserable post of mine today:

If I felt prickly, I’d know what to do. If I felt sad, I’d know how to figure out why I was sad. If I was just feeling something, I’d try and talk myself through it but this is just terrible.

All I can hope for tomorrow is to feel better when I wake up but if I don’t, I at least hope I don’t affect my family with this horrible mess in my head.

Drowning in art

Song of the post: Sunshine by Stray Kids

Ever since I’ve become free of all my academic stuff (which wasn’t too long ago) I’ve been making art like crazy. I have been drawing and painting something new almost everyday since the beginning of April, with a two day break in between, and the high of it was just amazing. I thrived off of the feeling of paint gliding across the canvas and the beautiful color coming to life and making me so happy and content. It stressed me out sometimes, but it always made me content so it was the good kind of stress, the kind that kept me on my toes and made me more careful.

I have not left my home since I moved back home mid-March. What a month that was. I think it explains the complete absence of posts in that month. I’ve been cooking and cleaning and doing house chores and watching drama and reading fan-fiction and listening to new music and obviously, painting. When I took a break for a couple of days for an academic deadline, I felt all jittery and restless. But I took the next day off too, to just sit and watch TV and be on social media. This quarantine can drive people crazy, but I’ve never felt that way until today.

It didn’t drive me crazy in the sense of my scrunching up my long hair and pulling them out and screaming “I need to get out!”; but it’s more or less suffocating. I’m usually in my own little bubble at home (or anywhere, really) but I also need to see the green and auto rides and long travels in the metro and seeing my friends other random strangers. I miss the throng of crowds that I like in Bangalore but despise in Bombay. I miss just going out and buying whatever I need and ordering in and taking short rides to the closest Baskin Robbins for ice cream.

Today morning, I finished this big mandala that I had been working on for two days. I felt numb after I finished it, a similar but subdued feeling after I submitted my final dissertation. I took a small nap and after lunch and doing the dishes, I began painting and after a couple of small ones, I just kind of didn’t want to do it anymore. I felt tired and sick of the paints and the brush and the feel of the paper and everything. I don’t know why. I guess it was time to take a break. There were emails pending (there still are), dramas waiting, books hoping to be read, fan-fictions to be explored. So, it was time. I’m going to take a couple of days off from painting.

As hard as I think it might get, I just know for a fact that I need it. I’ve never drawn and painted so much in my life, at any point. I should be considerate of my body and my mind, right? I need to replenish my “creative juices” and recharge. And when the idea of painting doesn’t make me think of shit and make me want to puke, then I’ll get back to it. I hope.

In the meanwhile, I will get back to blogging and reading and writing. I had missed it terribly. It’s been weeks since I wrote and much, much longer since I read an actual book. What I miss most about it is the fleeting feeling after I’ve finished: content and happy and a little sad that it got over and disappointment of returning to my world. My heart hasn’t fluttered for books in so long that I’m afraid it’s gone away but I guess it takes time to come back. I’m going to have to build towards that, slowly.

I hope these difficult times haven’t been too difficult on you guys, but if it has, just know that we are all in this together and reaching out is a very valid and viable option. Please stay safe and breathe and take breaks as often as you need.

Her (2013)

Song of the post: The Moon Song, Her (2013) OST

Back in 2017-18 when I was in love (read as: obsessed) with the podcast Jules and James, Jules had talked about this film in one of the episodes. When she talked about it, described the plot, kept exclaiming how much she loved the movie with so much enthusiasm and admiration, I decided that I wanted to watch it. I never got around to it, though, because my lazy ass kept watching the same content I’ve been watching for years. I finally decided to watch it one day because the Wi-Fi was acting up in the hostel and this was the first movie that I was drawn towards among all the movies I had downloaded.

Blurb from IMBb: “In a near future, a lonely writer develops an unlikely relationship with an operating system designed to meet his every need.”

Like Tokyo Godfathers, I watched this film in two parts. And I’m so glad that I watched all of it because it was one hell of a film. It was so beautiful, heart-warming and heart-wrenching, so, so strange, adorably sad and just plain amazing. The entire film was just so aesthetically pleasing but at the same time the colour palette was so muted that I felt every emotion on the characters’ faces and voices. Even the happy moments felt like they weren’t meant to last long. I guess that’s how it’s meant to feel.

I also loved the whole future setting of the film. As it kept getting advanced, there was lesser and lesser human interactions and each human interaction that did happen was for a specific purpose, not “just because”. But then again, I also observed that towards the middle and end of the film, there was more casual human interactions and it didn’t feel forced. I sort of felt that was significant because the AI, as it was interacting with more humans, Theodore also felt compelled to talk to them and make more of an effort with his friend.

All in all, it left me feeling bittersweet. The Moon Song made me feel things on a level that I didn’t know I was capable of feeling and it fits in so well with the mood of the film that I don’t even know how to start. It’s a shame the film doesn’t have an official original soundtrack complied.

Go watch it if you haven’t! You’ll not regret it, I promise.

Long day, short night

Song of the post: Magic Shop by BTS

It did not start out as a nice day for me. But I had made my peace today and accepted the fact that I was going to feel bleh for the rest of the day and decided to go to sleep early hoping that I can wake up feeling better and be more productive. But then, like a good plot twist, my day ended really well.

I slept late last night. I was working on my *D-word* yesterday and with a two-hour nap and a mug of coffee, sleep was far away. But when I did sleep, my roommate’s snoring kept me up for a long time and today I woke up early to get breakfast and decided to skip my afternoon nap. All morning I was feeling unsettled; there was dread in the pit of my stomach and a flurry of negative emotions came down on me sometime between coffee and dinner. I thought I could be coming down with something because of lunch (it was sour and cold curd mixed with rice; my staple lunch) or it was perhaps my erratic hormones. Whatever the reason, I felt down and I just let it get to me so that it can go away faster. Accepting the fact that you don’t feel okay makes you feel lighter, I promise.

When I skipped my nap, I decided to paint. I had some canvases at home that I brought back and one tiny one that I had bought here and decided to paint something cute, while watching Kiki’s Delivery Service, now that it is finally on Netflix. I did not have my acrylic paints with me but I did have some poster paints so I thought, let’s just use this. I think I wanted a break from watercolors. I love them, but there’s something very pleasing about acrylic paints. (It’s the texture.) So I made a small landscape painting with white flowers and I was pretty pleased with it. It looks cute.

During dinner, I showed what I had made to my friends and Mishel suggested that I sell it when I whined about keeping it. I kept going, “What shall I even do with it?” She said, “Sell it off.” I was not opposed to the idea. Our SAP sub-unit, me, Arohi and Simrat had kept an art stall during our college’s literature festival (more on that later, promise) so I had no particular attachment to this one (or any of the things I sold at the stall). I kept thinking, who will even buy it? But I gave it a shot. I put the picture up on my Instagram stories (on both accounts; please follow my art account!) and it was not even up for half an hour when it actually got sold! I think this is the first painting that I’ve ever sold that was not in the form of a card or a bookmark or a tattoo so it’s kind of special for me.

After dinner, Arohi painted my nails and then I called home and spoke with them for a while and I was feeling so much better. And then this happened. It’s like my day decided to do a 180 and finally thought I deserved to smile and actually feel it today, so there’s that.

As I paint the background, my right hand gets smeared in paint and because of the colours I use, I really like how it looks so I take a picture every time (this is only the second LOL)

Today morning I woke to feel hopeless and sad and had completely given in to all the horrible feelings I was feeling. But I guess days like these makes me appreciate the little, completely ordinary moments with my friends and family that I usually take for granted. And of course, the sale of the painting helped heaps.