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Not Talking To Someone

This may sound strange to most people, but I’d never really been attached to anyone emotionally. I don’t find it hard to let go of people. Distance is created naturally with time, and I accept that. Sure, I’ll miss a person, or doing things with them, but I don’t mope about saying how much I miss them when I see something they liked or any such sort. On the other hand, I truly miss talking to the people I’ve lost in touch with. And it’s majorly because I don’t actually open up to anyone that easily.

Once, when I was in 5th std, I became friends with my childhood arch nemesis (I’m not going to name her, in case she reads it, even if  I know she’s not going to. But, there are people who know me well enough to name her). I had the best 3 years of my life. My whole middle school. I seem to have not changed when I look back on it. But that’s not true. Those three years were spent talking about the future: how she and I would start working together, with her painting and I writing; how we would someday rent a place together and live in it; how we would want our boyfriends, or husbands to be; how we would explore new places to eat chicken biryani; all such good, silly and girly stuff. Just what you would expect two 13 year old girls to talk about.

Then, suddenly, she grew up. Suddenly, I was a goody-good nerd girl who hated girl stuff (Which I didn’t. I just needed time to adjust to the new talks, that’s all. Was that so wrong?). Suddenly, we needed new people. Well, just her, not me. She was the outgoing, beautiful one behind whom all the boys fell in line, whereas I was this small, third wheel, friendly, glasses-less nerd. It did not hit me in the face as to how much she used me until the God sent eye openers saved me from my naive self. I am ever grateful to them.

She’s been in about 5 relationships in all of high school that I did not know about; I knew one other than those five (Because I helped her in that one; she managed the rest).The thing about her that marveled me was her ability to keep secrets from me. Imagine going through high school without telling your best friend that you’re in a relationship. But, I bet, no, I know now that she had found many others and had replaced me a long time ago. I was just too stupid and in love with her to even realize that she hated me. Yes. Hated Me. The God-sent eye openers told me so. And I’m never wrong to believe them. It has been two years since we had a huge fight (me, with the God-sent eye openers against her and her “deeds”, which was tough) and we haven’t talked since then. Her mother still respects me. A lot. And now, I heard through a grapevine that she’s not doing so well. Her family’s down the drain and nobody’s in good health. I can only pray for her family. There isn’t a day that goes by without me thinking what we would’ve done today. I knew herthat bloody well. But, now that I think about it, I’m not so sure that if the person I knew was the person inside her. And I would give anything for her to be just truthful in front of me for once, tell me everything that she’s kept from me and sit with her and talk, talk, and talk and do nothing else.

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Books and mail make my day :) I'm slowly discovering art. But crafts help me lift my mood. Writing is important. Family is the best.

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