This has been me all through yesterday and today. I don’t know what it is, but I’ve been feeling especially hungry, even though it had been less than an hour since my last meal.
Mishel says it’s the cold. Bombay has been pretty cold since New Year’s Day and I’m walking around wearing my big, knitted maroon-and-white-striped sweater under pyjamas. I don’t even have classes to get ready for this semester. And because the body burns more energy to keep us warm and avoid going into hypothermia (which is highly unlikely because the temperature doesn’t dip past 23 degrees) we feel hungry faster.
I like this theory. I’m a huge fan of blaming and crediting the weather for everything. Good day? It’s the weather. Bad day? Blame the weather. Hungry? Guess what? It’s the weather!
Is this how my year is going to be? In constant hunger? In constant craving for some freshly fried potato bhajjis with chopped onion and coriander salad? With a freshly brewed cup of filter coffee to top it off?
My family is concerned. Today, after I came back from our first-trip-of-the-year to Mani‘s, I sat in my usual place in the middle of the basketball court and called home. One of the first things they ask is if I had dinner and what I had. And I list them all. Today, for once, they were concerned. They asked me, “Do you even study? We’ve not heard you say anything about your academics.” I assured them that all of that is going fine and proceeded to tell them what I did and ate the rest of the day, and how I was still hungry. I imagine them shaking their head at me in resignation.
Although I’ve been hungry all day, even during meals, it has been a good day. I don’t generally write about New Year’s and anything surrounding it because it feels like a bunch of false hopes and promises. You cannot classify a year into “good” or “bad”. A lot of things happen. How much of it affects you depends on how much you care. After a bunch of small things that happened on the second day, 2020 looks promisingly worth waiting for. It will also be a year full of more changes for me and as much as I’m scared and anxious about them, I’m also really excited to see what kind of changes I’ll be witnessing or undergoing.
What’s your take on New Year’s? And if you come from a colder climate, do you also experience this kind of hunger? Do tell me, I’d love to know!
Song of the post: Nidde bandilla, Krishnan Marriage Story. (And no, it’s not because I’m getting married tomorrow.)
A random picture of a train that I took in Bengaluru.
It is 2:32 AM right now. I slept quite early, upon learning that it was my badminton day tomorrow, and after more than two and half hours of tossing and turning, I just gave up on sleep.
I couldn’t figure out why. I walked around quite a bit today (reached my steps target!) and did some excercise in the morning so I was pretty burnt out earlier in the day. Was it too hot and was I too sweaty to sleep? That wasn’t right either. I’ve slept through warmer conditions and my blanket was just a prop for me to hold on to and sleep. I have classes in the morning and usually, I’m really excited for first days but not this time. I’m dreading them and this thought should’ve sobered me up and sleep usually helps me delay the dread I feel. Was it my hormones? It has been kind of funny these few months…
I tried everything that usually helps. I concentrated on my breathing but my thoughts kept wandering away, too far and too fast. I tried listening to relaxing Ghibli soundtracks, which almost always helps, but I found myself paying more attention to the music and remembering them note by note and thinking, “This next bit my favourite part!” Not helping. I just kept getting more and more excited. I wanted somebody to repeatedly pat my eyes like Amma used to do to me as a child to get me to sleep (I was not far from doing that to myself; no idea if it works though). I kept telling myself that it was important that I get enough sleep to be able to get up early tomorrow and play badminton but nothing worked.
At some point, I was closing my eyes and listening to the crickets outside with my thoughts going back to today’s events, when my eyes just shot open. I just discovered why I couldn’t sleep. It was coffee (surprise, surprise!).
I had gone out to watch Aladdin in the theatres today evening and after the show, we went to our beloved Mani’s for dinner. After a good but slightly unsatisfying dosa, we got our coffees. Unusually, we all had just one coffee each. And as per usual, we also got our extra decoction. I think the amount of decoction was a bit much for the four of us. The colour of my coffee was dangerously close to my skin colour but I wasn’t bothered much. And couple this with the mug of coffee I’d had earlier in the evening, no wonder I can’t sleep. My brain is on overdrive. I want to do irrational stuff at the moment, like exercising! And eating chakli that Amma made! And roll on the floor I cool off. And take my pillow and blanket and sleep in the basketball court, maybe with an umbrella.
I really thought I would be experiencing withdrawal symptoms because I was having coffee at least twice a day at home but here I am, unable to sleep because I’ve had too much coffee. Oh devre, save me.
I’ve been in Mumbai for a little more than 12 hours and I think in this time, I have sweat more than I did throughout my entire summer in Bengaluru. I am so tired and I am constantly drinking and losing water and I have accepted this persistent headache as part of today and I’m crossing my fingers and toes that it will vanish once I get a good night’s sleep.
Saturday morning, a few hours before I left for my bus in the afternoon, was like the calm before the storm. Amma was cooking food for me in the kitchen, Appa sat in the living room playing candy crush and Akka and I watched Disney International for the longest time. We watched Raven’s Home and a film called Radio Rebel. Classic teen movie about hiding one’s identity blah blah blah. But what was surprsing was that the storm never came. I left in a bit of laughter and lots of smiles and a little of pride somewhere hidden too.
I had not expected this. Everytime I left, someone’s eyes (usually Akka’s) would get slightly misty and I would full out cry before I got into the cab. I was preparing myself for this all day. Every time my thoughts wander into the “Oh, no, I’m leaving in a bit” section, I would go and wash my face, in the attempts of washing those thoughts away. Sometimes it helped. And I’m glad. It will give me more time to properly break down once I’m completely settled.
It took me forever to set my room and I still haven’t put up anything on my walls. I don’t know what I should put up this time. Last semester I put up pictures, and the first semester I put up paintings. A mix of both this time? I don’t know. Perhaps I should’ve brought some postcards from home. They would’ve looked pretty.
Classes start tomorrow and I don’t know how I feel. I was excited before I came here but the humidity and the heat is sucking the life out of me. I had forgotten how intense the weather could get and apparently, thunderstorms are in store tomorrow. Let’s hope it rains tomorrow and prepare ourselves for another intense type of weather.
My first semester was done 4 days ago and since then I’ve been contemplating writing a small overview of how my entire semester was because why not? I took an unintended month-long hiatus and now I’m itching to come back, my head bursting with things to write but lacking the heavy motivation I require to finish a single post. So this might just be the post that will bring me back, and with iKON and BTS playing in my ears, how could I not?
I did not expect to do well in my first semester because, well, it’s the first semester, right? I’m in a new city, studying things that I’ve never studied before with people I’ve never met before, living so far away from my family and friends and with people I just met and constantly sweating and trying to figure out a regime and routine and adjusting to the food and managing finances and all that comes in between being a dependent adult. I’m proud of the fact that I managed to survive and actually enjoy living away from home.
I did unexpected things. I liked unexpected people and realized unexpected things. I embraced my alone time and found a balance between my alone time and non-alone time because too much of either one is sure to push me down a spiral that I know I will not be able to get back up. My mood swings were worse than ever and there were times that I worked out and actually saw the difference in how my body responded to the internal stimuli. But then things suddenly got so hectic that I woke up early and slept late just so I could send in my assignments on time and be able to study well enough, at least to pass.
June and July were pretty chill. It was my first time ever at a pub for my fresher’s party which I actually enjoyed. And then a house party that I enjoyed even more. I exercised a bit and was in shape, but only briefly. And then I read some and painted a lot and my bullet journal looked really pretty!
Then came August and September. From the second half of August, after I came back from visiting home, things were hectic. There were assignments that were handed out and things to do and suddenly, I had lesser time than usual. I barely read and painted but somehow, I managed to pretty up my bullet journal because if I didn’t at least do that, I’d don’t think i would’ve managed to survive the chaos that was the end of September. I had a few breakdowns in September, but I mostly think that was because of my raging hormones that I had no time to control. But I did have them.
Then there was October. We had field work the first two weeks of the month and I thought I’ll have time to do stuff but absolutely not. If the field work itself did not drain us, the trains made sure they did. It was the first time that I frequented the locals so often. I though I’d gotten sort of got used to the crowd, but I don’t think you ever do. If one does get used to it, it means they have traveled so much that they know this is the inevitable. I was under the impression that I would eventually get used to it but I had severely underestimated how bad the crowd was and could get. It has scarred me.
But on the bright side, October was brilliant for a lot of other things. Restaurant hopping was my favourite part and I’m contemplating a new feature where I talk about all the restaurants that I’ve been to. It’s still under thought and the work hasn’t started yet, but I really want to do it. It’s just something that I can really connect to .
Now that I’ve had a huge bite of how a semester at TISS is, I know it’s best not to expect anything. Just going with the flow is the best bit and to do that one has to be in their top form. I’ve promised to myself that I will play badminton (which has become my preferred way of exercise) every morning and get in some more reading time. Diet is not a concern because I eat from the dining hall and food there usually healthy. I have to watch out on my vegetarian eating days more strictly from now on because I don’t think I’ve observed any of them all through October. Not that I’m complaining, though. I also plan to be more productive and reduce my procrastination, but that’s always on my agenda. I end up never achieving it but this time I don’t want to do that. I want to move my lazy bum faster and do work on time. Blogging will also take some more preference because I feel so empty not blogging for nearly a month.
This has been my first semester back in college and I’m waiting for the second so that I can study a lot more things that I know that I will enjoy. I had also intended this post to be different but it took on a completely different tangent. Oh, well.
This post is in honor of my last exam in college. If I have missed you, know that you will forever and always be in my heart.
After the main orientation by the college in the Auditorium, we were asked to go to certain rooms to meet with our class mentors and get our timetables for the year and whatever else that the mentor had planned. Our classroom was in the third floor. It was the corner room behind the bio tech department, which I found strange. Nitya and I huffed and puffed to climb those three floors, only to be met with Rishi, who was standing there to inform all first years that the orientation was in the ground floor, in the Environmental Science department. She rolled her eyes and we climbed back downstairs.
Orientation Day
Orientation day
The weirdest and most awkward day in all of Environmental Science students’ lives is the Orientation day. Not the one that the college collectively gives all of first years, but this is small special occasion: just for the Environmental Science “noobs”. Prabhakar sir makes it very memorable, with the two getting-to-know activities, we probably knew things about one another better than anybody else did on the first day itself.
In the first activity, we were supposed to stand in two concentric circles, one facing the other, and speak to the person opposite to you, looking into each other’s eyes while holding hands with the other person. After a few rounds of boys, the first girl I came across was Tenzin Passang. This lovely Tibetan had a sore throat that day. I think she wore a yellow kurta. Her voice was barely above a whisper and I had to lean in real close. It felt like we were conspiring against the whole new set of people. We giggled in low voices like little girls.
Passang and Sonali
The second activity was a silent skit of any one of the two incomplete stories that Prabs had narrated us. I found myself in an all-girls group with Smriti, Indu, Sam, Passang and someone else — Jyothi, I think, and we performed the caterpillars on pilgrimage story and Passang was the tree. Once that was done, my original seat was gone and I sat at the edge next to a long-haired girl, also in a yellow kurta. I hadn’t met her in the first activity, so she introduced herself to me. A hand with long slender fingers to her chest, “Hi, I’m Samudyatha,” she said slowly. I smiled. She was probably the first Kannadiga that I’d come across that day, and I was a lot relieved that I didn’t have to feel so intimidated by everyone anymore.
Samudyatha and I in Yukatas
***
Sometime in the following days after the orientation day, I was sitting in the third or second row, when I overheard two girls behind me speaking:
Girl one: Who is your OTP?
Girl two: What’s an OTP?
Such an abomination! I was only new into the world of “Fandom”, but even I knew what OTP meant. I turn around to face the two girls behind me.
Me: OTP? One True Pairing? Mine’s Everlark!
Girl one: Ooh, nice!
Me: Who’s yours?
Girl one: I actually have two. One is Percabeth, and another is from the Mortal Instruments. You know the series?
Me: *shakes head*
Girl one: Oh, the other OTP is from that. Malec.
Girl two: *MIA*
And that’s the story of how I met my first best fangirl friend, Indumathi Arunan.
Our traditional, standard ethnic day picture.
***
The most memorable re-meet was with Prince. One morning, I was walking the long walk from the bus stop to college, when someone walked beside me: long legged, tall (of course) and eating biscuits. I recognized him from my new class. Harshith, was it…?
I don’t remember what I spoke to him, but he offered me bourbon biscuits, and I was so happy. I took one and munched on it hungrily. I was just finishing up that biscuit when he offered me another. I initially refused, but he just held it in front of me, his long fingers gripping the packet in a friendly manner. Breakfast-less as usual, I ate another one. He also offered me water, but I drank my own. Little did I know that he would become one of my best friends for life.
***
It was one sultry August Friday. It was Varamaha Lakshmi puja that day, and I remember wearing a new Chrome yellow kurta and olive green lycra pants and a matching dupatta. It was a really nice and sad day. I’d just joined my Creative Writing course, and the class started at 5 in the evening. My classes got over by 4, I think, and after sending off all my friends, (namely Samudyatha) I was thinking of doing something until class began. I ran into Poorvi in the canteen. I knew Poorvi from my 2nd PU coaching centre, and I think I spoke with her for a bit and she introduced me to Aquib. Then it started raining. We were confined to the humid walls of the canteen for a while before Poorvi got an idea: why not eat ice cream in the rain?
We went and bought ice cream in the canteen. Sadly, there were only two D’Daaz Vanilla with Chocolate Sauce ice cream that day, and Aquib, being the gentleman he is, let us girls buy them and he bought something else. We went all the way out of the canteen and to the ground and the humanities block. We went around the ground a couple of times, and then when it was time, I told them “byes” and left for class. The rain was a very fine drizzle and just settles on your skin and clothes and hair but doesn’t really seep in. it was wonderful.
I don’t remember what we spoke about, or even if we did. It was just one of those fine, fine days that remains in you for a really long time.
Then I went home after class, and sent Trance on his way to his originally intended home. Happy and Sad day.
Standing eyes closed with Poorvi
***
One afternoon, Nairika and I almost made it in time for class. I had accompanied her to the Humanities block for something, and on the way back, we struck up a conversation that made us sit in the playground for more than twenty minutes, while she told me all about her past. That was one of the only times I’d spoken with her for long and so closely and it jarred me for a second that people can be so trusting towards not-well-known people.
Field trip to FRLHT
With Nairika, first ethnic day!
***
Smriti had once vaguely mentioned about her school friend buying a nice camera and was joining our college for the Vocational Course on Film making. At that time, I didn’t give much thought. Sometime in the beginning of second year, I was running around for something (as usual I don’t remember why) when I met Smriti near the canteen. She introduced me to her school friend, Arun and I said,
“Hi, nice to meet you!”
(Or something along those lines…) and dashed off. The next thing I know we’re sitting at lunch with Arun and talking as if we’d been long lost friends. His hands are like a small child’s, rough on the outside but contrarily, soft to the touch.
***
Prince was speaking with this tall, athletic-looking boy one day, and I kept seeing him talking to Prince quite often after that. I asked Prince one day,
“Who is that guy that you talk to? He comes in our bus, no?”
“I forgot his name. I’ll find out soon again. But he lives near my house. CBZ guy. Also in my Kannada class.”
“Oh, okay.”
The same tall boy one day, on the way to the bus stop, asked me if I had a copy of To Kill a Mockingbird, which he’d seen with one of his classmates earlier. I told him that I’d lend it to him whenever he wanted.
Today, we speak about a ton of things that I never thought I’d speak about. I often imagine his long veined arms and fingers furiously typing long texts late into the night. That’s Yeshas, bringing out the best versions of people.
***
The last day of Sanskrit class was the day where I realized I was going to miss it.
That class was thoroughly and neatly divided into boys’ side and girls’ side, and four of us, Vaishnavi, Tejasvini, Haimanthi and me, sat in the middle bench of the middle row and make trouble. Make trouble as in talk endlessly about things that varied from music to culture to castes to dirty jokes on the stories we were learning to fandoms. Everybody was new to me and I am so glad I’d found them. I wouldn’t have enjoyed the classes as much as I did if even one of them were missing.
Vaishnavi, Haimanthi, Me and Tejasvini, troublemakers 😀
***
I think people found it weird that I had days where I could not eat non vegetarian food. Those days are my “vegetarian” days, and on those days, Sam and Nairika and Smriti were happy that they’d gotten someone on their side.
Every afternoon, when DJ brought his plate of colourful biryani from the canteen, he asks me,
“Is it one of your vegetarian days?”
“It’s a Monday, Deej. I’ve been eating with you for more than a year now. What do you think?”
Sam pipes in, “Vegetarian today.”
DJ just sighs and eats his biryani, his fingers gracefully cleaning up the plate.
Classic picture of DJ.
***
When we were up trekking the Kunti Betta I was very close to giving up at more than a few instances. Each time, Jyothi just pulled me up and forward. I was dressed in hiking shoes and a comfortable t shirt and stretchy jeans; she was in normal college clothes, chudidar and sandals.
***
Before third year started, Prabs had told us that three guys from the previous batch would be joining us for the year: Denzil, Chetan and Samuel. I’d known Denzil, whom Samudyatha and I call Danny and was really fun to hang out with; and we knew Chetan; he was quiet and brooding but underneath all that façade was one hell of a troublemaker. Samuel- now that name was new. And I did not expect him to be the way he is.
Samuel is smart and sarcastic. His quick wit is appreciated widely by most of our classmates (those who get the jokes) and especially by his namesake, Sam(udyatha). The Sam ‘n’ Sam duo is epic. If they had a stand-up comedy show, I’d be the first to buy tickets. His hands are like his personality: it looks like they don’t belong to the body and they do, at the same time.
Chetan and Samuel on Chetan’s birthday.
***
I think this was sometime during fifth sem. Salka stayed at her uncle’s place in another part of JP Nagar, some 4 kilometers from my home. She invited me and Prince over for lunch one day, and she said she’d cook something very Tripura-n. Prince and I were excited. It was one of my chicken eating days and I knew she’d cook it. When I went to her place, I found out that she’d gotten some really bad news. But she insisted that she cook for us, and cook for us she did. Along with special chicken, she cooked us vegetables and rice. It was good food. And good food comes with a good show. We watched three out of twenty-something episodes of this Korean show called “My True Love From The Stars”, that Sonali had recommended, where the protagonist was absolutely OTT. I took the full show from her and watched it the rest of the week. It was a nice afternoon, even though I finished my lunch at about 5 in the evening.
***
Mine and Parvathi’s conversations are similar to tagging each other on Facebook memes.
Me: We should totally do this. (referring to a set of poetry prompts).
One of the only other people apart from Sam that I wanted to keep a stall with during Meta was Nithya. I’d seen her art and I’d loved them all. And I knew she’d have plenty of ideas.
I was not wrong. Keeping a stall with her has been a really good experience. And to think we’d made such a good team! When she opens her book box, I will be first in line to get them.
***
That one nasty February Friday during third year ended on a sour note. I was hurrying to perform for my third final poetry slam during Meta after this “pointless experiment”. Sam was at my heels and Smriti also followed me. I asked her, “Where are you going, Smritz?”
“I want to see you perform.” She looked baffled that I would even ask such a question.
At that moment, I felt an immense surge of gratitude and love for my friends. They wanted to see me perform badly. If they’d asked me to launch a nuclear missile on the Vidhana Soudha that day, I would have gladly done it, without second thought.
Although, I didn’t get to perform it, I loved the piece that I wrote for it. I would’ve been very nervous (more than usual) because it was really honest and I think I would’ve scared away my few precious friends.
Some smiles!
***
Naveen refused to be my talent for that week. I hadn’t done it in almost a year and his was only the second one in my third year. I was nervous, sure, but I was 100% sure that Naveen deserved all the fame and glory he could get. It took me a long time to convince him, and even then he wasn’t. Then I took the shortest method out as a final resort: tell Yeshas that Naveen was being stupid. It took Naveen a few hours to finally text me,
“Okay, I’ll do it.”
And I wondered why I didn’t take the shortcut earlier.
Naveen’s post, till date has about 600 views; the most on a single post and I can’t even get started on the response that I got from it. And to think that Naveen thought he didn’t deserve it.
***
To James, who’s been one of the kindest boys I’ve ever known in my life, to my namesake Pari, to Drishti and Srishti for being so lively and amazing and supportive and to Ismail and his morbid jokes, to all those people who have waved or smiled at me while passing each other in the corridors or in the bathrooms and sometimes asked each other “How are you?”, to all my present and former classmates I’ve not mentioned, to all the Graphic.Inc people, to Archana for making me laugh so hard that I was clutching my stomach with tears rolling down my cheeks and to Rajitha for being one of my biggest supporters for my writing,
It’s already March. In two moths’ time, I will be a graduate, ready to face it out in the world.
And I’m so not prepared for it.
Whenever I feel uninspired, I just go and read my previous posts. After a useless day, I sat down in my black rotating computer chair and went through all my posts of 2016. I feel like I don’t recognize that girl who wrote all those Tuesday is Talent Day! posts anymore, even if I wrote one just yesterday.
I can only relate to the girl who wrote from December 2016 onwards. The posts are few and rare and I miss writing blog posts 5 times a week, incredibly.
And going through my old posts, I wonder, Owen Mason Gentry, this happened only last year! It feels like a lifetime ago.
Life seems so much simpler before. And maybe in the next year or so, I will be saying the same thing about 2017.
This is one of the longest hiatus that I’ve ever taken during college and to say that I was miserable throughout it will be a little bit of an understatement.
I wouldn’t have blogged today if I wasn’t blessed with a holiday tomorrow as there is a public bus strike.
No buses+poor students= no travelling to college.
Third year is so hectic that all of just want to drop everything for a whole day and do all that makes us happy.
But noooo.
We have assignments, we have tests, we have a term paper due at the end of August, we have records to complete, and we have the biggest headache of all: Dissertation.
*shudder*
Enough of rants.
The next two weeks are going to be so much fun! It’s my last year at college, which means last year as a student for Pratibha (Joseph’s inter-class cultural fest) and Metonym (Inter-class literary fest, small scale Meta). I’m taking pat in every possible event and I shall make the best use of this year and live every moment of it.
I’ve been squeezing in time to make postcards for a few friends last week and I sent them all on Tuesday! They’ve all received it and they’re so happy 🙂 I makes me so happy!
I haven’t been reading much but I am reading J R Rogue’sTell Me Where It Hurts that I got for an ARC. And my, my, that woman can write. I am very excited to write a review for her.
My book blog is just so devoid of posts since June. No wonder I haven’t been accepted by publishers from NetGalley.
And this post is written by your truly, also the Assistant Secretary of Graphic.Inc! Very excited to be a part this year again!
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